Staking The Plains Ranks the Big 12 Cities

Fort Worth Stockyards

Image by Joseph Wingenfeld via flickr

*hat-tip to (Dante) Amodeo for inspiring the post*

It has begun. It starts with a brief ripple across the internet; stray tweets bemoaning the reality of our collective situation as distractions begin to wane, the appearance of reader mailbags. And finally, the true harbinger of the summer doldrums descends upon an unsuspecting populace: the arbitrary rankings. Perfectly engineered by the boys in the lab, these pieces are designed to do nothing but whip people into a frothy rage of hurt feelings, garner clicks, and incite counter-pieces to begin the cycle anew. However, there has been a distinct trend in the rankings of the Big 12 cities that we’ve seen in recent days.

They’re boring.

So, your beloved and very attractive staff here at Staking The Plains decided to give the definitive rankings of the Big 12 hometowns in the categories that truly matter.

Surviving the apocalypse (zombie division)

  1. Lubbock
  2. Morgantown (I know they can make jerky out of anything, but it sits between two interstates. Easy access)
  3. Manhattan
  4. Ames
  5. Stillwater
  6. Waco
  7. Norman
  8. Lawrence
  9. Fort Worth
  10. Austin
Rom-Com settings
  1. Austin
  2. Fort Worth
  3. Manhattan (classic setting switch-a-roo)
  4. Ames
  5. Morgantown
  6. Norman
  7. Lubbock
  8. Lawrence
  9. Stillwater
  10. Waco
  1. Ames
  2. Austin
  3. Fort Worth
  4. Lawrence
  5. Lubbock
  6. Manhattan
  7. Morgantown
  8. Norman
  9. Stillwater
  10. Waco
Names for Hobos
  1. Stillwater
  2. Ames
  3. Waco
  4. Lubbock
  5. Manhattan (he came from money)
  6. Norman
  7. Morgantown (hobo despot that took the name of the settlement he took over instead of giving it his name)
  8. Lawrence
  9. Austin
  10. Fort Worth
As Names for Special Plates at a Diner/Mexican Restaurant
  1. Waco
  2. Lubbock
  3. Manhattan
  4. Austin
  5. Lawrence (it would be called “Larry” in diner shorthand)
  6. Ames
  7. Fort Worth
  8. Norman
  9. Morgantown
  10. Stillwater

Likely Subjects for Van Gogh Landscape Painting

  1. Ames
  2. Manhattan
  3. Stillwater
  4. Lawrence
  5. Austin
  6. Waco
  7. Lubbock
  8. Fort Worth
  9. Norman
  10. Morgantown
Best Beach
1 (tie). Manhattan
1 (tie). Waco
1 (tie). Austin
1 (tie). Ames
1 (tie). Morgantown
1 (tie). Lawrence
1 (tie). Stillwater
1 (tie). Lubbock
1 (tie). Fort Worth
10. Norman

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